can we get back to the real news?
OK so this whole disgraced writer debacle is really starting to work my last nerve. it’s like totally usurping all the rest of the celebrity gossip and irritating me to no end. news about my recent arrest is nowhere to be found and i completely blame james fucking frey for it. if the world wasn’t all abuzz with the news of what a panty-waste poser he is, more attention would be being paid to the things that really matter, like wrongful celebutante incarcerations and starlet asthma attacks.
i swear, that guy was a dick 12 years ago when we were in rehab together and he’s a dick now.
i’ll never forget the first time i saw him in our daily group therapy sessions. like all tony and elite rehabs, ours was in the middle of small town nowhere in a non-descript state that a person living in the fast and glamourous VIP lane would not have occasion to visit otherwise. as you can imagine, this caused quite a bit of stir-craziness and us inpatients had to find new and ingenious ways to amuse ourselves with our new clean and sober lifestyle. after the first few days i had pretty much had my fill of the usual distractions like intra-facility sexual escapades, drinking rubbing alcohol and calling my less party hearty girlfriends to solicit clean bottles of pee. and because i was so much younger then (in case you don’t remember the tabloid headlines, i was 11) i was quite a bit more ornery than i am now. i had a lot of like hyper manic tendencies because of the combination of the intense detoxification i was going through and my, at the time, undiagnosed ADD.
anyways, all of this would pretty much come to a head in the grueling group therapy sessions and i would often end up physically lashing out at the other patients. pretty much any other detoxing pre-teen would have done the same i think. i mean, the way they set up those folding metal chairs in a circle pretty much invites a physical confrontation. those chairs were just begging to be picked up and thrown at the person across the room and it’s not my fault if that dickhead james frey is all telling me to “hold on.” i mean, that’s his fault, that a chair wound up hitting him in the head and all the other patients ended up making fun of him for getting beat down by an eleven year old metal chair wielding girl.