there’s still nothing but james frey going on in the news cycle which means that there is no news of my arrest and wrongful imprisonment anywhere to be found. my anxiety that my career is going to be overshadowed by DJTM’s new rap career is totally growing and i told him as much this afternoon. one would think that one’s fiancée would offer them words of encouragement that that wasn’t going to happen and that our love would transcend differing career trajectories but that totally did not happen.
instead DJTM like left and is totally gone. he’s in some studio somewhere near brooklyn or some place like kicking out a new jam and no doubt is getting all krunk without me. and while i’m peeved that he’s not like working on our relationship, i’m grateful for the time alone. the solitude has given me the space to compose a letter to james frey’s publishers telling them that i can back up their claims that he’s the real deal badass he said he was and how i should know because i was in rehab with him back in the day. i know, i know — i said he was dick and all — but you can’t help a girl for trying to attach herself to an infamous jerk du jour in an effort to gain some much needed publicity so her boyfriend won’t start thinking he’s better than her or something.
the only problem is that i’m having a hard time giving him props for being quel badassy because every single recollection i have of him when we were in treatment together involves me kicking his ass. as a matter of fact, we eventually had to do this mediation thingie because he was starting to get scared at the mere sight of me due to the continuous beatdowns i would give him at every opportunity. the mediation was no exception. mere moments after we sat down to work out our differences and try to come to a mutually respectful agreement, he said something stupid and i ended up beating him and the counselor upside the head with this inspirational sign that was hanging on the wall.
anyhoo, i just don’t think james getting his ass kicked by an eleven year old girl is going to do much to lend his rep the much needed street cred it so desperately needs. i would totally lie about it but there’s already so much attention being paid to this whole truth and nothing but the truth issue that that might end up causing me more problems than it solves. i might as well, like, do something else. fuck. i totally hate doing things. the only thing i hate more than doing things is having to think about something else to do. or maybe i hate it slightly less? i don’t know but anything that involves doing something sucks big time.
i’m still not talking to DJTM because he still hasn’t bought me a new fendi. i even gave him the money to go get me one and he’s completely and totally ignoring me. true, he’s been asleep for the last 36 hours and therefore was probably not aware when i put the money in his back pocket but i think if he cared about our relationship he would get over this whole not being able to speak in complete sentences because he’s unconscious front he’s rockin’ and go get me a new fendi. but i guess relationships are like hard, y’know? so i’m being patient and nurturing myself while i wait for him to come around and see my side of things.
like today after i was done with my manicure, pilates workout and my post pilates medically induced purging treatment, i was surfing the net and went looking on the smoking gun to see if they had a picture of my mug shot from my recent arrest. they totally don’t have it yet but i found this article about this like disgraced writer that totally interested me.
now i bet you’re all wondering, starryshine, why in the f does this interest you in the slightest? what do you care about disgraced writers? you like don’t even like reading, remember?! but then i realized that just like that other disgraced writer, i totally know this disgraced writer. when i peeped his pic, i knew i knew him from somewhere, right? and then i realized that we were like totally in rehab together back in the go go 90’s. sheeyah! betcha didn’t know that, biotches, huh? i totally had to go to the ‘hab when i was like 11 and that’s where i met this particular disgraced writer.
it was this like really formative experience for me and i’ll totally type atcha’ about it on the b side, biotches, but right now i have to asta cos’ DJTM is FINALLY waking up. excuse me while i go and hit hit him on the head with my f-ed up fendi again. he needs to be reminded of his responsibilities. i’m tellin’ ya, it’s HARD WORK making relationships work.
after the stress of the friends of starryshine xmas special was over and the selection of my legal defense team in the sexual harassment suit assembled, the big decision that DJTM and i have had to make in is where oh where are a celebutante and her rap star boyfriend going to go to ring in the new year in the most fabulous way possible?
to complicate matters even further, after the friends of starryshine wrap party, DJTM’s rap song caused a near sensation and he received numerous invitations to spin at a variety of new year’s eve after parties. but you can bet i told him what time it is — it’s really urgent right now that he focus on our RELATIONSHIP becuz a couple’s first nye together is extremely SERIOUS. he kind of shrugged and his eyes rolled back in his head in that cute way of his but it turned out that he was really having a not so cute after all convulsion of some sort.
so i had to call the service immediately to take him to cedars. it was really touch and go there for a minute. i was still able to take off well before the midnight hour so i’ll still be able to get my party on, yo! DJTM, on the other hand, has to stay overnight for observation — i think they said something about making sure that he doesn’t die of dehydration but i can’t remember.
i left him a glass of water. i think he can reach it.
last night DJTM and myself had to go over to get sue for the wrap party of the special formerly known as a “very starryshine christmas special,” which, as you know, morphed into the “friends of starryshine christmas special.”
i really think that sue could leave the hospital at this point. i mean, she was only in there for a bad back and no one needs to stay in the hospital that long for a bad back. i was thinking she was fakin’ it for the meds, right? she confessed that that was a pretty nice side bennie to her hospital stay but then disclosed the real reason she’s still at cedar’s — she’s having her townhouse repainted and didn’t want to commute in from the hamptons so she figured it was easier to just remain infirm for now — and plus the park 55 lacked amenities like the kickin’ meds she’s on (sue was all, “just let those jackass sheistering doctors try to say i don’t have a bad back!” and then she started up with that weird hack/cackle sound effect thing that always kind of freaks me and DJTM out).
she is, however, beginning to tire of sneaking out for four martini lunches at elaines, etc. and have-to-see-and-be-seen-at affairs like the friends of starryshine xmas wrap party. i’m totally tiring of it too! last night i had to smuggle in a party dress for her so she could wear it under her hospital gown and then we had to wait with the car service near the smoking lounge window which she was going to try sneak out of and then DUH! she couldn’t because who makes windows three flights up that you can sneak out of anymore??? especially near midtown! after numerous cell phone calls back and forth between the cedars smoking lounge and the car, she finally relented and agreed to just walk past admitting and sure enough, low and behold, no one stopped her. she acted like she was in fucken’ lockdown or something. even DJTM, who is normally so placid about that kind of thing was visibly peeved.
although we missed the actual real time broadcast of the show, sue’s shenanigans actually worked to our benefit because when we finally did get to the party, it was in full swing. when we arrived, we were greeted with a standing ovation and chants of DJTM!!! DJTM!! apparently, DJTM’s rap song was like this huge hit at the party. i didn’t even know he was like writing a rap song. i mean, i knew he was doing a song but i had no idea it was a rap.
i’m really happy for him. i truly am. there’s no reason he shouldn’t get all the recognition that i truly deserve if someone, who is not me, is going to get it. i mean, he is my man, after all. who i’m pissed at is sue. if she hadn’t been languishing in a hospital bed at cedar’s all this time, i think it’s entirely reasonable to assume that a very starryshine christmas special could’ve gone in an entirely different direction and really could’ve showcased my talents more.
on the plus side, the wrap party was at sky bar which was completely classy and very now and i’m really happy to have hosted it without having had to deal with any of the details that come with hosting a party. i basically took the deal out of details! or the de out of the details so there was only tails. something like that.
dear starryshine fan base, i am HUNGOVAH today. i feel like total dog doo doo. from this point on, you can’t say that i don’t care because clearly and totally, i do. i should be lying in bed with my fiancée nursing the various after effects of alcohol, etc but instead, because i care and i know how hard it is for you to go on without VIP all access to my innermost ramblings, i just had to tell you about the first meeting with the very starryshine christmas people at WB.
first of all, their celebrity seasonal development production head, aaron disalvo, is really hott. apparently, i first met him when he was in development over at MTV but i really only vaguely remember him because i was hardly the global enterprise that i am now and therefore didn’t need to be bothered to remember people, places and things — all stuff I have to do now, which is why god created tmobile. back then i was merely in discussions to play the win a date babe on score but now, by virtue of my reputation, i’ve managed to secure my own show. aaron has totally gone places as well in the meantime. i mean, i know what you’re thinking — you’re thinking, isn’t it a step down to go from MTV to the WB? my response would be not necessarily and like your opinion matters ANYWAYS because the odds are that you’re not even on TV. and even if you were, i don’t know that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with going from the pioneer video music channel to a 2nd rate “network” of sorts. a network which i LOVE, by the way. i totally already feel like a member of the WB family. aaron wouldn’t stop fussing over me the whole meeting — he kept gently rubbing my thigh when i was crossing and un-crossing my legs during some of the tenser moments in negotiations in regards to the creative control of the show. i really care about the direction this show takes, you know? i want a very starryshine christmas to show that i can take on all of the elements of a celebrity christmas special — the hosting, the christmas caroling, the christmas themed comedy skits, the whimsical joking with celebrities doing cameos in between christmas caroling and comedy skits — i just know i can do it all.
but apparently the network bigwigs have their concerns that i can pull it off. i couldn’t help wondering if that was an issue when celebutante #1 was in the picture. so i got a little upset and kind of stormed out of there but not really, unless you consider storming throwing a cup of coffee in a production assistant’s face in response to being told that during the opening monologue, i wouldn’t actually be doing any talking, but instead someone would be talking about me while i was standing there wearing a —
i don’t think there’s been a more eagerly awaited celebrity marital disintegration than nick and jessica’s. now that it’s finally officially official that they’ve split, i’m sure the world is speculating along with me as to who’s marriage will hit the skids next.
will it be tomcat? or bradgelina? or sienna and jude AGAIN?
i can tell you who it won’t be: me and my true love, DJTM. you wanna know how i know? becuz last night, in his own stoically masculinized man of few words way he proposed!!!
i wasn’t sure i could be more happy than i was when i was asked to walk the runway at last year’s sacrifichiamo fashion week party but DJTM’s proposal happily proves me wrong. unfortunately, as you may recall, my sacrifichiamo runway walk was ill fated due to matters that i can’t get into because really it will just ruin the comparison i’m trying to make, but the point is, i was virtually ecstatic upon being asked and i’m actually more ecstatic upon being asked something else another time.
it leaves me wondering what could possibly happen next that would make me even more elated! but i’m sure you’re wondering all about that special moment between me and DJTM. i really wish i could give you the details on that but unfortunately it’s not a very clear moment for me, or for DJTM. we crashed hard after partying on thanksgiving and when we woke up, i was all, remember when you asked me to marry you the other day/night/the last time we were awake? he grumbled something and nodded his head up.
so i said ok, let’s go ring shopping and he shrugged again. we should probably leave soon and get our ring shopping on but i just HAD to tell you! maybe we should also get matching ringtones for our tmobiles? wouldn’t that be CUTE? rings and ringtones?? god. i can’t wait to plan this wedding.
DJTM and i were supposed to go over to whit’s for turkey day but we got all freaked out and convinced that maybe middle america is right. perhaps the end times are indeed upon us if for the 2nd time in eight years, a seemingly fully inocuos parade apparition could go horrifyingly off course and almost kill two people.
whit was all, baby you’re just being paranoid. and got all insistent that we get over there right away to celebrate with the connecticut and california prices. but i begged off and said that in addition to the whole fear of certain death by flying pop culture detritus dilemma, we really didn’t feel like it. he sounded weary and said that we needed to have a serious talk about all the press ive been getting lately. i was all, daddy, that’s really sweet but i can’t talk about that right now because DJTM and i are trying to duct tape colored saran wrap over the penthouse windows so we can see what the weather’s like outside but no one can see in. he just sighed and said, lunch next week, my dear, we must talk.
i said OK, love you, kiss kiss to everyone and bye bye and shouted out to sugar to calendar it but i don’t think she heard me because she was trying to find some valuables that DJTM is convinced were lost in the carpet sometime late last night or early this morning.
have a great tday, starryshine fans, and for the love of all that is shiny and star-like, please be careful out there and let me know if anyone is coming to get me.
although i still can’t get ahold of sue to fire her ass, at least one good thing is coming to fruition and finally happening in the area of my career. DJTM and myself are all over the gossip colums and socialite blogs. i knew from the moment i met him that we were meant to be together but what i didn’t know is that we were going to turn into this like of the moment, celebutante power couple.
i mean, don’t get me wrong, i totally always knew that he had star power and this like in born rock solid charisma. it’s like he doesn’t have to ever actually say anything to make an impression (which is good, because he basically never does), he just exudes this like totally visceral confidence.
check out this tidbit from the columns (i won’t link becuz it’s just tacky to link to yourself on your own site, yo):
“It’s definitely been quite the week for socialite cum actress Starryshine Price and her new man about town, DJ Traxmarxx. First there was that late night bender that started uptown and ended in a loft over in the lower 50’s where the two were photographed leaving around 5:00 AM with what looked like matching glass pipes (not too mention glassy eyes). The very next night, forgoing sleep and good taste, the two showed up at a party at the Hard Rock Café where Miss Price danced on a table top (a la Paris Hilton), at one point tearing off her designer thong underpants and throwing them to a seemingly disinterested congregation of party-goers who simply let them drop to the floor. Her beau, on the other hand, sat in a corner looking above it all and enigmatic in a barely conscious way. This columnist asked him repeated questions about where and how he met Manhattan’s own Starryshine only to have all her inquiries rebuked with a cryptic smile, a one word answer or bemused shrug. Who is this mystery man? For the back story, read Miss Price’s indecorous blog. As you can see, Miss Price certainly thinks it’s true love but this columnist is going to hope for the best but plan for the worst. If true love isn’t, one things for sure though and that’s that Starryshine‘s social cache has gone up with her new handsomely intriguing piece of man candy.”
DJ TM and myself were hitting the clubs last night and somehow wound up at bilboquet, of all places which was basically what it was, is and always will be — BORING, old school a listers looking around for the least boring and most happening a lister on the premises. that night it just happened to be me, so i let people try to talk to me and DJ TM until i was bored out of my frikkin mind. then i did what i do when things get drab and my man is taking a drug and fatigue induced disco nap, i whipped out my Tmobile and texted and surfed. it’s not that the company was any more trifling than usual, it was more about me really. basically, i am still getting over how much i missed out on and how much momentum was lost when i was out of the country last month and i have this unshakeably perilous feeling that i have a lot to catch up on or i will be left behind.
it is an endless struggle for the modern woman, y’know? and despite our better clothes, surgical procedures and prescription medications, heiress model actresses (AKA HAM’s) are no exception to the whole man-or-career-focal-point conundrum. i mean, don’t get me wrong, blog watching biatches, i have no doubts that i was absotively in the right place at the right time last month. i mean, I totally met the man of my dreams in a jet setting environment that endlessly struggling faceless hordes like yourselves wouldn’t even dare to dream of — nonetheless, it irks me out to no end to come back to my peers basking in this kind of publicity in my absence.
i mean, i know that this is good for all of us HAM’s really and, as per usual, paris has my undying love and respect for once again being the be all end all of trendsetting trailblazing enigmatic celebutantes. i mean, i’m basically just completely awestruck trying to figure how she does it. how does she go from the pages of tabloids to major business news weeklies, all while bouncing from one greek shipping heir to the another?
ive actually figured it out and what ive determined still makes it possible for me to maintain my long standing friendship with paris and not get all down on myself in the process. how do i put this delicately? basically, ive come to the conclusion that i have to fire my agent.
so DJ TM and i are back home in the big apple. i am pretty sure he understands that he’s not in ibiza anymore and that new york is totally his new home and all that, but he’s not like being all that forthcoming about what he thinks of it here. i am totally in love with him but sometimes i find his whole strong silent type routine a bit hard to take. like he is so quiet all the time that i never really and truly know what he’s really thinking, you know? like i have even wondered this week if he even realizes that he’s actually physically some place else. i mean, he was like completely asleep for the entire flight here. at one point, i was worried that he had slipped into some kind of jet lag induced coma or something. but then sugar and i slapped him around a little and he sort of woke up and started talking to us. well, he wasn’t actually talking but his mouth kept opening up into shapes that indicated he was trying to speak.
i mean, i think he realizes that we’re some place else, you know? not that he was like all that revealing about his thoughts and desires and plans when we were in ibiza but he is saying even less than usual which means that he’s pretty much not saying anything at all.
i think maybe it’s that he’s just utterly and completely happy to be with me – so happy that he doesn’t need to say a word, you know? maybe actually happy isn’t even really quite the right word for it. he is more like content and not in a stupid smile plastered on his face kind of way. he just has this like blank expression on his face all the time. he’s like totally zen about being with me. like it’s just perfect or something and he really doesn’t need anything other than me, you know?
maybe it’s like he doesn’t even need to know where he is, y’ know? i mean, i could see that. because if he’s really and truly completed by being with me, then it doesn’t matter where he is so therefore it follows that he could completely lose his sense of time and place, right?
i totally love being in love. i’m just a little worried that if he doesn’t realize that we’re not in ibiza anymore, he will like walk off the balcony thinking he’s all strolling down to the beach, only to like fall to his death or something.
i don’t know if my new boyfriend, DJ Traxmarx, understands the concept of leaving, as in going, as in he’s moving to new york with me. he’s really packing kind of light for an intercontinental move, or even a transatlantic flight for that matter.
i mean, all he’s bringing with him is this really cute puma duffle bag type of thing. i like it and think it’s really cool and everything and i’m totally into my boyfriend wearing pumas and any puma related gear but when i asked him if he needed a new set of luggage or something and did he want sugar to go pick him up like a whole hermes set or something, he just sort of shrugged.
so i told sugar to go get him some new bags and she got like FULLY annoyed. so then i was all, sugar, that’s totally your job, your job is to like ASSIST me. to which, sug was all, i am YOUR personal assistant, not HIS. so then i like had to explain to her that he was a part of me now, that he’s like my plus one now.
she just kind of rolled her eyes at me and walked away with her hand up, going like, talk to the hand, you know? i had to like yell at her BACK as she was walking out the door that in addition to a full on hermes set of luggage, she should find some kind of traveling cases for DJ TM’s record collection.
that was like hours ago and she’s still not back yet. it’s starting to get me a little concerned because i was kind of hoping that she would be able to place some blind items in the gossip columns that i have a new man and that it’s serious. i mean aside from the fact that i like (HELLO!) pay her to do that kind of stuff, i am like actually really busy trying to download just the right itunes mix and get just the right pitch perfect buzz for the flight. and i’m doing it for two! DJTM is unfortunately on the waaaay downwind end of the party cycle and he needs me to hold his head up for him while he gets back to the up end of things. he didn’t tell me that. i just know becuz it’s love, yo.
you know how they say that when you’re not looking for it is when you find it?
well… whoever THEY are, they could not be more f-ing right!
i, starryshine price, would like to declare something to the world, i am fully completely rapturously and totally in love!
i’ve never felt like this before EVER.
not with pete and not even with that guy who i met in sue’s office that one day who i took with me to that indie movie premiere that everyone was dying to get into and then tried to tell me that i was too drunk for him to be seen with when no one even knew who he was anyways.
this time it’s for reals.
i feel like, while i have been this undeniably sought after emerging celebutante and have therefore had loads of guys on my arms, and have never really been at a loss for suitors, i have also always been searching for someone to give my heart to who like deserves it.
now i have found that person. he is like this totally amazing DJ who i haven’t actually heard spin yet but who everyone tells me can really take festivities into like stratospheric levels, you know? it always amazes me how people can do that by playing records. playing records is this like huge skill! how do they do it without getting tons of scratches on them just baffles me. but i guess that is why it is such a sought after skill set.
DJ Traxmarx, AKA my new boyfriend, is really humble about his complete and utter greatness though. it’s like he’s so completely humble that he hardly ever speaks. he doesn’t have to, he’s that great, you know? and i don’t even need for him to speak. i can speak for both of us. and we are so in love that we don’t have to talk to each other. See how all this not speaking works?
and we have so much in common. it’s just amazing. like last night we stayed up until 5:00 AM just staring into each other eyes in between various illicit and non-illicit libations.
i just wish that he could remember where/how i met him because i sure don’t remember it. anyways, i’m taking him home with me. i didn’t even have to ask him if he wanted to come with, i just said, i’m leaving so we’re going. now that’s love for ya!