OK. you are so not going to believe this but the WB filmed the entire very starryshine christmas without me or DJTM in it AT ALL.
they are trying to tell me that they couldn’t find us at all to which my reply was that i remained in communication with aaron the whole freakin’ time via text messaging format about how much i was in need of a soothing full gluteal massage. to which the WB said, “we’ll get back to you on that,” and then when they did it was like through a third party lawyer to inform me that aaron is suing me for extreme duress brought on by sexual harassment!!!
i was all, what!!!??? let me talk to aaron — to which they replied that aaron wasn’t going to talk to me unless it was through lawyers. i’m completely stunned — not to mention in need of a soothing full gluteal massage.
so apart from the horror of being completely betrayed by aaron, who i thought was tirelessly devoted to producing this special for me, they’re saying that because they couldn’t get ahold of me during the entire rehearsal time, they’re going to bill the show as “the friends of starryshine price christmas special” and now they’re going to use some outtakes they got of me on the first day of rehearsals talking on my cell phone. i guess they photoshopped some “international christmas backdrops” in the background and got some hoochie to do a voiceover of me. they said they wrote in some segments called “starryshine phones it in on xmas” or something like that. so i guess in a way, i can’t really complain because it only upholds my image as a jetsetter.
other than that, i’m more than a little annoyed that aaron is suing me and (against legal advice) have been texting him repeatedly about it.
dude. i have a total moral of the day for you: whatever you do, even if you are bored out of your mind, do NOT, under any circumstances, hit next blog. i have been here for what seems like EVER with DJTM who refuses to leave until his track for a very starryshine christmas is done and i am quite bored. i stand by my man, yo, but i’m not afraid to admit that i’m totally freakin’ bored of him mixing and remixing and remixing again to get things just right. he’s such a perfectionist and it is BOOOOOORRRRINGGGGG!
i’ve been trying to keep myself entertained. ive been texting aaron repeatedly to get him to come over here and give me another one of those soothing massages — the ones where i wind up pantsless and totally soothed at the end. but he’s been like nowhere to be found, so ive basically been forced to surf the internet during a week when the entire internet is DOA.
it’s been so dead in fact, that i did end up hitting the dreaded next blog button on my own blog and here is the tragedy of a blog i wound up with.
all i can ask is WHY? and to plea with you to learn from my mistakes and never hit next blog.
why did i have to bear witness to this? why are there people out here like this to bum me out? are you trying to tell me, god, that there are people out there who are content to just KNIT their lives away?? i mean, i know that not everyone’s life is filled with designer drugs, christmas specials centered around them and the adoring eyes of millions but can’t people think of anything more glamourous to do than knit? if you have any desire to get bummed out enough to off yourself, i suggest you read the seaming a sweater sleeve tutorial.
ok. i’m going to try to center myself by doing some designer drugs and watching my fabulous fiancée mixx some traxx. even if it is boring, it’s, at the very least, glamorous and i’d rather be bored and glamourous then engaging in simple pleasures like knitting any day!
DJTM and i are hard at work in the studio trying to lay down some tracks for the upcoming very starryshine christmas special. aaron told us that they don’t need us anymore in rehearsals which is, let me tell ya, just FINE by me.
i honestly don’t see why i had to go to rehearsals in the first place. i mean, first of all, i’m a professional and can basically improv on a moment’s notice. secondly, the WB audience will be tuning in to see me and could really care less about how well choreographed and rehearsed the dance and music numbers are. and last but not least, the choreographer the WB hired was a total dick and if i had to spend even one more minute in his company, i think he would have quite possibly died because i might have killed him.
he was so intense about everything and was just constantly overreacting to every little thing! like he acted like it was the biggest deal in the whole wide world and that it was all my fault that i couldn’t follow his insanely hard to follow directions. like HE kept telling ME that i was missing the beat, right?? he would be all, “on count!” and then he’d be all, “ah one, ah two, ah three, ah four!” but only some of the time!!! the other times he was all, “six, seven, EIGHT!” and i’m like what the eff are you talking about, guy??? like every single time he did it, i was all what? what the eff do you want me to do, guy???…and he’d be all, “miss price! this is not a discotech! you cannot do just whatever you please and expect it to turn out as a perfectly choreographed number! can you please stay on count!”
so this went on for like a whole day practically during which i was like completely confused about whether he was counting to eight or to five. i was seriously so confused that i couldn’t remember what he wanted me to do in the first place when it would come time for me to actually bust a move, you know? so i just started doing whatever i felt like doing and he kept getting more aggravated and it kept going on like that until finally aaron came by and like soothed me and gave me another one of those gluteal massage. It was like soothing in fact, that again i couldn’t remember if i was wearing my pants at the start of it or not. and now, because aaron is the best producer in the whole world, we don’t even have to go rehearsals anymore. fuck yeah! so i’m basically just sitting here watching DJTM remix the very starryshine christmas special theme song or something. something like that.
as we get closer to the day of the live taping of the very starryshine celebrity christmas special, i find that i have more and more reasons to thank god than i would have thought i did. did you know that that’s what christmas is based on? did you know that christmas isn’t just about getting presents but that it’s origins are somehow involved with god? i know, right????!! you’re all like, who friggin knew?
anyways, some of the things i’m grateful for include but are not limited to my amazing fiancée, DJTM, my status as an emerging celebutante to be watched in ’06 and beyond, and last but certainly not least, the producer for the very starryshine christmas special, aaron di salvo. have i mentioned how great aaron is? he like completely takes care of me all the time and backs me up on all creative decisions.
after that executive decision came down about the network bringing in a co-host to “compliment miss price’s performance,” i was understandably pretty upset — especially after that whiney PA i tossed coffee on threatened to sue me. i was really feeling like the whole world was all against me and everything when aaron came to my private studio dressing room and gave me a back and gluteal massage that completely and totally relaxed me. then he offered me the like the coolest compromise ever — he said that DJTM and i could collaborate on a special christmas mix that will debut on the very starryshine christmas special! i was so excited that i didn’t even realize for a minute that i wasn’t wearing underwear and was actually totally naked below the waist. aaron told me that that was necessary for me to get the full effect of the massage experience. i was all, no biggie. honestly, i couldn’t even remember if i was wearing them to begin with when he walked in.
dear starryshine fan base, i am HUNGOVAH today. i feel like total dog doo doo. from this point on, you can’t say that i don’t care because clearly and totally, i do. i should be lying in bed with my fiancée nursing the various after effects of alcohol, etc but instead, because i care and i know how hard it is for you to go on without VIP all access to my innermost ramblings, i just had to tell you about the first meeting with the very starryshine christmas people at WB.
first of all, their celebrity seasonal development production head, aaron disalvo, is really hott. apparently, i first met him when he was in development over at MTV but i really only vaguely remember him because i was hardly the global enterprise that i am now and therefore didn’t need to be bothered to remember people, places and things — all stuff I have to do now, which is why god created tmobile. back then i was merely in discussions to play the win a date babe on score but now, by virtue of my reputation, i’ve managed to secure my own show. aaron has totally gone places as well in the meantime. i mean, i know what you’re thinking — you’re thinking, isn’t it a step down to go from MTV to the WB? my response would be not necessarily and like your opinion matters ANYWAYS because the odds are that you’re not even on TV. and even if you were, i don’t know that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with going from the pioneer video music channel to a 2nd rate “network” of sorts. a network which i LOVE, by the way. i totally already feel like a member of the WB family. aaron wouldn’t stop fussing over me the whole meeting — he kept gently rubbing my thigh when i was crossing and un-crossing my legs during some of the tenser moments in negotiations in regards to the creative control of the show. i really care about the direction this show takes, you know? i want a very starryshine christmas to show that i can take on all of the elements of a celebrity christmas special — the hosting, the christmas caroling, the christmas themed comedy skits, the whimsical joking with celebrities doing cameos in between christmas caroling and comedy skits — i just know i can do it all.
but apparently the network bigwigs have their concerns that i can pull it off. i couldn’t help wondering if that was an issue when celebutante #1 was in the picture. so i got a little upset and kind of stormed out of there but not really, unless you consider storming throwing a cup of coffee in a production assistant’s face in response to being told that during the opening monologue, i wouldn’t actually be doing any talking, but instead someone would be talking about me while i was standing there wearing a —
i don’t think there’s been a more eagerly awaited celebrity marital disintegration than nick and jessica’s. now that it’s finally officially official that they’ve split, i’m sure the world is speculating along with me as to who’s marriage will hit the skids next.
will it be tomcat? or bradgelina? or sienna and jude AGAIN?
i can tell you who it won’t be: me and my true love, DJTM. you wanna know how i know? becuz last night, in his own stoically masculinized man of few words way he proposed!!!
i wasn’t sure i could be more happy than i was when i was asked to walk the runway at last year’s sacrifichiamo fashion week party but DJTM’s proposal happily proves me wrong. unfortunately, as you may recall, my sacrifichiamo runway walk was ill fated due to matters that i can’t get into because really it will just ruin the comparison i’m trying to make, but the point is, i was virtually ecstatic upon being asked and i’m actually more ecstatic upon being asked something else another time.
it leaves me wondering what could possibly happen next that would make me even more elated! but i’m sure you’re wondering all about that special moment between me and DJTM. i really wish i could give you the details on that but unfortunately it’s not a very clear moment for me, or for DJTM. we crashed hard after partying on thanksgiving and when we woke up, i was all, remember when you asked me to marry you the other day/night/the last time we were awake? he grumbled something and nodded his head up.
so i said ok, let’s go ring shopping and he shrugged again. we should probably leave soon and get our ring shopping on but i just HAD to tell you! maybe we should also get matching ringtones for our tmobiles? wouldn’t that be CUTE? rings and ringtones?? god. i can’t wait to plan this wedding.
DJTM and i were supposed to go over to whit’s for turkey day but we got all freaked out and convinced that maybe middle america is right. perhaps the end times are indeed upon us if for the 2nd time in eight years, a seemingly fully inocuos parade apparition could go horrifyingly off course and almost kill two people.
whit was all, baby you’re just being paranoid. and got all insistent that we get over there right away to celebrate with the connecticut and california prices. but i begged off and said that in addition to the whole fear of certain death by flying pop culture detritus dilemma, we really didn’t feel like it. he sounded weary and said that we needed to have a serious talk about all the press ive been getting lately. i was all, daddy, that’s really sweet but i can’t talk about that right now because DJTM and i are trying to duct tape colored saran wrap over the penthouse windows so we can see what the weather’s like outside but no one can see in. he just sighed and said, lunch next week, my dear, we must talk.
i said OK, love you, kiss kiss to everyone and bye bye and shouted out to sugar to calendar it but i don’t think she heard me because she was trying to find some valuables that DJTM is convinced were lost in the carpet sometime late last night or early this morning.
have a great tday, starryshine fans, and for the love of all that is shiny and star-like, please be careful out there and let me know if anyone is coming to get me.
you have perhaps already surmised that i am basically fucked as far as this whole sue being in the hospital and me having to fire her due to her complete incompetence issue is concerned. even though the accident was on a main metropolitan thoroughfare where there were over fifty witnesses, all of whom are vowing to advocate tirelessly for her being incarcerated for as long as possible and fined up the ass till she’s totally impoverished, i am the one who is going to look like a complete jerk if i seek other representation at this time.
it totally sucks for me, doesn’t it? it’s too bad she didn’t die, really, when you think about it.
consequently, i’ve been being all discreet about looking for a new agent. to my dismay, i’m not getting all that much in the way of call backs. i think it’s probably because people don’t want to touch the whole sue being in the hospital thing by poaching her most valued star. and it might also be because all the agents in this town, every last one of them, is totally freakin’ incompetent and lacking in vision. of the three who did return my calls, one said that they didn’t want to get that close to someone who was so associated with the “living fast, furiously and fabulously decadent crowd,” but that i should call them when i get out of treatment. the others inquired as to who DJTM’s rep was and whether or not HE was looking around as well. i told them he was asleep and then opportunely forgot to give him the message it’s hard enough for him to be fully conscious and engaging as it is and i really think he needs to be focusing on his art and our relationship as much as possible right now.
i should just do the right thing and stick with sue. people will totally give me props for being loyal and she is bound to have some fabulously annihilating and hard to obtain ‘scrips after this accident.
so sue finally returned my calls. the operative word here being FINALLY. the fact that she returned them does not really rate at all in the grand scheme of things. what she should have been doing was initiating the whole communication process between us in the first place with hott opportunities that will build on all the momentum that i have been developing as a cosmopolitain, highly public and, as of last month, international celebutante superstar.
but is that what’s happening at all? nope. nada. no way. NUH UH! instead she is calling me up and leaving me messages like:
so glad you’re back from your travels and in touch, dear. i have loads of things in the works and will be in touch soon with the details. hope you’re well, hon.
first of all, who in the f calls anybody dear anymore anyways? and next of all, how in the f does she expect me to respond to that? does she like expect me to be in this full on rapturous state of gratitude for all the crappy non-opportunities she’s out there supposedly getting for me? like, does she expect me to be all indebted to her?
on top of all that, she totally forgot to hang up the phone after she left the message. at first i didn’t realize it. i was listening to my messages on speakerphone while i was on the treadmill and, as if i don’t have to deal with enough already, i was recently diagnosed with adult ADD and have been put on a new med that really focuses my attention on things so i was just pounding away on the treadmill and was like so focused that i lost track of the whole listening to messages deal. then all the sudden there’s this loud cracking noise braying from the speakerphone and people screaming and some guy yelling what the hell is wrong with you lady, are you drunk, are you on drugs, are you insane — you get the idea.
so then i was all, omg, did sue pass out in traffic AGAIN? she really HAS to get a driver. sure enough, it turns out she did. she’s totally in the hospital now because she like threw out her back. but luckily no one was actually harmed so hopefully she’ll only be charged with attempted vehicular homicide. is there even such a thing? i’m sure i could answer that question for you if i was on one of those hott CSI crime shows that sue has been too incompetent (and no undoubtedly too infirm) to get me cast on. i would so be all up on all the litigation lingo if she was doing her fucken’ job.
although i still can’t get ahold of sue to fire her ass, at least one good thing is coming to fruition and finally happening in the area of my career. DJTM and myself are all over the gossip colums and socialite blogs. i knew from the moment i met him that we were meant to be together but what i didn’t know is that we were going to turn into this like of the moment, celebutante power couple.
i mean, don’t get me wrong, i totally always knew that he had star power and this like in born rock solid charisma. it’s like he doesn’t have to ever actually say anything to make an impression (which is good, because he basically never does), he just exudes this like totally visceral confidence.
check out this tidbit from the columns (i won’t link becuz it’s just tacky to link to yourself on your own site, yo):
“It’s definitely been quite the week for socialite cum actress Starryshine Price and her new man about town, DJ Traxmarxx. First there was that late night bender that started uptown and ended in a loft over in the lower 50’s where the two were photographed leaving around 5:00 AM with what looked like matching glass pipes (not too mention glassy eyes). The very next night, forgoing sleep and good taste, the two showed up at a party at the Hard Rock Café where Miss Price danced on a table top (a la Paris Hilton), at one point tearing off her designer thong underpants and throwing them to a seemingly disinterested congregation of party-goers who simply let them drop to the floor. Her beau, on the other hand, sat in a corner looking above it all and enigmatic in a barely conscious way. This columnist asked him repeated questions about where and how he met Manhattan’s own Starryshine only to have all her inquiries rebuked with a cryptic smile, a one word answer or bemused shrug. Who is this mystery man? For the back story, read Miss Price’s indecorous blog. As you can see, Miss Price certainly thinks it’s true love but this columnist is going to hope for the best but plan for the worst. If true love isn’t, one things for sure though and that’s that Starryshine‘s social cache has gone up with her new handsomely intriguing piece of man candy.”
why is it that when i don’t want to talk to sue, my agent, at all, it’s like she’s constantly calling me all the time to the point where it’s like ludicrous and then when i’m trying to find her so i can fire her and put some closure on our relationship, she’s like nowhere to be found for days and days?
as loyal readers will recall, i recently determined that certain people are getting more opportunities and publicity than i am than i am and that it’s not because they’re inherently better or prettier than me or anything like that, it’s just that they probably have better representation than me and so therefore they can’t really be faulted and i am still their loyal friend and everything and really what i need to do is just need fire my agent instead.
as if i needed anymore confirmation that sue is a has been loser wannabe liability of an agent, i saw everything i needed to see this afternoon upon awakening. since i have been back from ibiza and settling into domestic bliss with DJTM, i haven’t really been as disciplined as i should be about my exercise routine. i’m aware that my public expects me to look unattainably attractive at all times, so i generally spend eight hours a day maintaining my doll like beauty (unless i’m on a total bender, then i just blow it off with little remorse). but lately since this whole domestic bliss is going on ive actually been getting kind of bored so since we’ve been back, ive been generally been spending about three hours a day working out.
this afternoon was no exception. i woke up a little before three o’clock, checked DJTM’s pulse to make sure his sleep wasn’t too overmedicated (he was totally fine, i was just being kind of a worrier), then i smoked three cigarettes, chugged a double tall soy latte, turned on the TV and started a four mile treadmill run after speed-dialing my on call pilates teacher to come over and work me out.
you are not going to believe who i saw on TV, starryshine devotees. that fucking actor who dumped me after two dates for that fat vegan actress/activist from hell. he told me that he was questioning everything and needed to be with someone who was clear about their convictions and wasn’t drunk all the time. i hadn’t heard anything from him or about him for months and assumed he had faded into some kind of a loser like obscurity. not true. he totally has a part on this hot new show about a detective team that is being chased around by a reality TV crew and all the ethical problems that arise from that arrangement. it’s kind of like an un-real real time cops. i totally remember being at the whitney gala last month before i took off for europe and talking to some producer who said they were trying to cast for a small recurring role that i would maybe good for. i remember thinking that i had to remember to talk to sue about getting her to get me in there to meet with their people and then i don’t think i ever did. but that’s beside the point — the point is that she should be on top of that shit!
i was so glad my pilates teacher was there to work me out afterwards because i was fucking raging and took all that aggression out on working out my abs. since then ive been calling sue and leaving messages with her service about how she has to call me so i can fire her and she has yet to get back to me. i’m also trying to wake up DJ TM and get us a reservation at café luxembourg for me for our approximately three week anniversary. so as you can see, i’m a bit slammed so that’s it for today.
DJ TM and myself were hitting the clubs last night and somehow wound up at bilboquet, of all places which was basically what it was, is and always will be — BORING, old school a listers looking around for the least boring and most happening a lister on the premises. that night it just happened to be me, so i let people try to talk to me and DJ TM until i was bored out of my frikkin mind. then i did what i do when things get drab and my man is taking a drug and fatigue induced disco nap, i whipped out my Tmobile and texted and surfed. it’s not that the company was any more trifling than usual, it was more about me really. basically, i am still getting over how much i missed out on and how much momentum was lost when i was out of the country last month and i have this unshakeably perilous feeling that i have a lot to catch up on or i will be left behind.
it is an endless struggle for the modern woman, y’know? and despite our better clothes, surgical procedures and prescription medications, heiress model actresses (AKA HAM’s) are no exception to the whole man-or-career-focal-point conundrum. i mean, don’t get me wrong, blog watching biatches, i have no doubts that i was absotively in the right place at the right time last month. i mean, I totally met the man of my dreams in a jet setting environment that endlessly struggling faceless hordes like yourselves wouldn’t even dare to dream of — nonetheless, it irks me out to no end to come back to my peers basking in this kind of publicity in my absence.
i mean, i know that this is good for all of us HAM’s really and, as per usual, paris has my undying love and respect for once again being the be all end all of trendsetting trailblazing enigmatic celebutantes. i mean, i’m basically just completely awestruck trying to figure how she does it. how does she go from the pages of tabloids to major business news weeklies, all while bouncing from one greek shipping heir to the another?
ive actually figured it out and what ive determined still makes it possible for me to maintain my long standing friendship with paris and not get all down on myself in the process. how do i put this delicately? basically, ive come to the conclusion that i have to fire my agent.