i will come to james frey’s defense
there’s still nothing but james frey going on in the news cycle which means that there is no news of my arrest and wrongful imprisonment anywhere to be found. my anxiety that my career is going to be overshadowed by DJTM’s new rap career is totally growing and i told him as much this afternoon. one would think that one’s fiancée would offer them words of encouragement that that wasn’t going to happen and that our love would transcend differing career trajectories but that totally did not happen.
instead DJTM like left and is totally gone. he’s in some studio somewhere near brooklyn or some place like kicking out a new jam and no doubt is getting all krunk without me. and while i’m peeved that he’s not like working on our relationship, i’m grateful for the time alone. the solitude has given me the space to compose a letter to james frey’s publishers telling them that i can back up their claims that he’s the real deal badass he said he was and how i should know because i was in rehab with him back in the day. i know, i know — i said he was dick and all — but you can’t help a girl for trying to attach herself to an infamous jerk du jour in an effort to gain some much needed publicity so her boyfriend won’t start thinking he’s better than her or something.
the only problem is that i’m having a hard time giving him props for being quel badassy because every single recollection i have of him when we were in treatment together involves me kicking his ass. as a matter of fact, we eventually had to do this mediation thingie because he was starting to get scared at the mere sight of me due to the continuous beatdowns i would give him at every opportunity. the mediation was no exception. mere moments after we sat down to work out our differences and try to come to a mutually respectful agreement, he said something stupid and i ended up beating him and the counselor upside the head with this inspirational sign that was hanging on the wall.
anyhoo, i just don’t think james getting his ass kicked by an eleven year old girl is going to do much to lend his rep the much needed street cred it so desperately needs. i would totally lie about it but there’s already so much attention being paid to this whole truth and nothing but the truth issue that that might end up causing me more problems than it solves. i might as well, like, do something else. fuck. i totally hate doing things. the only thing i hate more than doing things is having to think about something else to do. or maybe i hate it slightly less? i don’t know but anything that involves doing something sucks big time.