new year’s eve report
right after i last touched base with you, i flew to miami for jamie foxx’s rap-tastic new year’s soiree. when i left DJTM’s parched and traumatized side at the hospital, i made my way over to a private bash at club collette. as soon as i got there, i realized that i hadn’t eaten for like three or four days or something like that. so i start munching down on this little canapé that was filled with some lobster duck confit type of foodlike substance. but i can’t be too sure of what it was because ive been fasting soooooo much lately that i’ve managed to train myself to not taste food anymore. that intensive training combined with my strong willpower and the medication i’m taking for my ADD, the appetite suppressants i devour in lieu of food every four hours and all of the various other party supplements i consume on a regular basis have made it possible for me to basically avoid eating almost entirely. is that not totally cool?
so i’m standing off to the side and surreptitiously nibbling on the canapé because i don’t want to be seen doing anything as crass and unfashionable as eating and as i’m surveying the scene, i spot these two guys i knew at prep school. one of them spotted me but i think i managed to duck down in the nick of time, before he could see me eating and i was able to spit out the canapé onto the floor in a corner behind a potted fern.
when i pulled my head up, i tossed my hair back like i was just doing a glamour pose or something. then i smiled at him and he came over and asked me to come with them to JFK where one of their daddy’s had a private jet waiting there to take us down to miami. you can bet your booty i accompanied them down there although the rest of the evening and ringing in the new years is kind of hazy for me. i think one of them may have slipped me a roofie or something. i think i remember him getting in trouble for that sort of thing back at the academy. whatev’s though, because i totally made it to THE party of the year! i know because i woke up there naked in one the guest bedrooms. great way to ring in the new year huh??? it’s gonna be a good one i think.